Singapore

Your father traveled across the world this week, while you traveled across the country with your mother and sister back home to Phoenix. I am currently in Singapore, a small, prosperous city in Southeast Asia. I would say it reminds me of a tropical New York City.

Last night I ventured out from the Hilton and had a great dinner at a Tapas bar owned by a friendly and free pouring Austrian gentlemen. He had recently acquired some wines from his home country and luckily for me I was sitting next to some of his good friends and was engaged in about 7 rounds of tastings. I struck up a conversation with the strangers at the bar, a gentleman from the UK and his girlfriend who was from Singapore.  They invited me to a bar called Harrys- great live music, a very interesting scene to say the least and some conversation when you could manage over the volume coming from the speakers.

As I said the scene inside of Harrys was very interesting, many older white males, and many young Asian women (I was told many were from Indonesia, Thailand, Malaysia). In a word they were working girls, working what they call the oldest profession, selling one’s body for sex.  Located across the street from the bar was a shopping mall of sorts. It is called the “four floors of whores” by locals. Of course my guides told me about it and said I must see it while I was here. I was happy to have their company as I would not have attempted it on my own.

That night I didn’t think much of the scene around me, I was mostly focused on having a good time, taking in the spectacle and relaxing after a stressful week of work. We went to two of the floors, and inside one of the bars, actually a country bar believe it or not. I never thought I would hear Toby Keith over the speakers in Singapore, I guess I can’t escape him no matter how far away I go!

I woke up far too early today and promptly went downstairs to rehydrate and get some breakfast, came back to the room and started considering the experience of the night before. In passing it seemed somewhat harmless, somewhat tempting, forbidden, exciting, all in good fun. However, the more I dwell on it the more it bothers me. Not only does it bother me that there is a part of me that was tempted by this, but that prostitution has always and will most likely always exist. Poor and desperate women doing what they can to survive, and males of low enough quality to pay/force upon/ or engage in the activity with them.

When I was walking by I was smiling. When I was viewing it all I was smiling and making small talk with new friends. The girls were smiling too, but I doubt they do when the sun comes up. I doubt their parents desired this life for them, or that the men engaging with them would hope for similar fates for their daughters or granddaughters.  I have always told your mother “I don’t trust men”. It is a blanket statement, but it is what I believe. We are vulnerable, and one of the greatest vulnerabilities is often our sexual desires. It overcomes reasonable thought at times, hell, it takes over all thought at times until it is a singular focus of our minds. It allows us to inflict physical pain and emotional suffering on the objects of our desire, while our goal is only to satisfy ourselves.

Men have succumbed to this throughout time; the Bible is full of stories of Godly men who did terrible things in pursuit of their desires. Presidents, priests, teachers, military leaders, pastors, all of us, each and every one of us, the best, the strongest, the most righteous and upright struggle with it. I don’t trust men, not around your sister, your mother, and even you. I do not exclude myself either, when you trust yourself, you may find regret at the end of that road.

The more I think about those women the more sorrow fills my heart. Last night I dehumanized them by labeling them prostitutes, making who they were just a title and job. This morning I gave them back their humanity and I cannot look at them the same. I do not know where they came from, what events led them to this life, the turmoil that it wreaks in their spirits. What I am certain of is this is not how women were intended to be treated, and that their current profession is due to the failure of men to make one another accountable to something greater than our desires.

One of my greatest challenges will be to teach you about women, and how they are to be cherished and protected. You must cherish them enough, to protect them from yourself and others that would do them harm. It is often the most difficult with the women that are closest to you. To be patient and kind, respectful, to look out for their interests and needs above your own.  I struggle, I lose my patience with your mother, and at times I have disregarded her wisdom and put my needs before hers. I have broken your mothers’ heart at times in my anger, and said terrible things. I have seen her as my enemy, instead of seeing her as the gift from God that she is. These struggles are natural- and I could go on for many more pages about them, and most likely will in the future. What I want to let you know is I will be there to help you, as I wished more people had been there to help me.

There are many ways you can view this world and the people in it. I hope you have eyes of empathy and compassion, I hope you choose to be morally strong and trustworthy. I hope you surround yourself with friends who will help you in becoming a good man.

I miss you like crazy right now. After this week I have to go to South America, it is still two more weeks until I can hold you again. I love you so much, and no matter what you struggle with, how you falter, I will be there; I will not judge you or ridicule you. You are my son, my love and pride will always surround you.